Singleness, Marriage & My Thoughts

Courtships. Marriage. Pregnancies. 

I have so many friends and acquaintances in my life who have been starting intentional relationships heading towards marriage, getting engaged, getting married, having beautiful weddings, having babies, and I’m just as single as can be but getting more awesome of course. No, I’m just kidding. 

Since the time I started writing this back in 2019 up until now I’ve been to and/or know of well over 20 weddings, and have even been able to be a part of many of my friends’ big days, even present at a few proposals, which has been so fun!!  

It’s really so exciting to see so many people I know getting married and starting families, and with all of this going on, over the last few years, I’ve thought a lot more about my preparedness when that time comes for me, Lord willing, and just marriage in general.

Preparation & Prayer

I have done some specific things to help me get ready, such as praying for my future husband, whomever he may be, learning from various talks about godly marriage (for example talks by Pastor Jimmy Evans - I highly recommend), observing, taking notes, and paying attention to what God says about marriage. 

I seek to be in a certain place in my relationship with the Lord, and I really believe that there are some things that God desires to do in and through me before the person. Before He joins me with another soul. Before entering into the life-long commitment and sacred covenant of marriage. It’s certainly not something to take lightly by any means, and I take it very seriously.

Another thing I have done for my own benefit is type up a list of questions, along with the list of questions that Bethany, from Girl Defined Ministries, and her husband Dav asked each other while they were courting. I have questions that a potential mate and I can ask each other, and a list of questions that I formatted for myself to answer, especially at this time in life while I am still single. Even now, I want to be able to think through and verbalize the answers for my own benefit.

Over the last few years, I’ve been preparing myself for what I’ve been praying for - a godly, Christ-centered, loving marriage. 

I’ve come to understand that marriage is not about me, it’s all about Jesus and being a reflection of His Bride, the church, in the earth, and honestly when I think about that and all the parallels, it just blows my mind. I think it’s important to really reflect, understand and realize who created marriage, and what the goal/purpose is, so that we can keep it in perspective.

I’ve picked up so many tidbits and pieces of advice that are great to apply in life. For example, in one of the marriage talks by pastor Jimmy Evans, he said, “Your marriage will never rise above the level of your mouth...to prepare for marriage, we have to prepare our mouths.”   

That is something that has stuck with me, and I find that many things that will help you prepare for a strong, godly, loving marriage, are also things that will just help you in any relationships and therefore should be built and strengthened in you now, while single. 

Another thing that pastor Jimmy Evans asserts is this, “Honor your husband where you want him to be, not where he is.” Solid advice I’d say.

I’ve been praying for my future husband for almost ten years, and from the beginning, praying has forced me to examine my own self and pray some of the same requests for myself.

One thing that I’ve thought a lot about over the last couple years, and I think I also read it somewhere, is the truth that you should prepare for what you’re praying for. 

Wanting to be married is a great, God given desire, but you also want to be ready for it. 

I’m reminded of a quote that has always stuck with me since the first time I read it a few years ago - “Are you the kind of person that the kind of person you’re looking for is looking for?” 

A similar quote reads, “are you becoming the kind of girl a godly man would want?” You can also change that to say, “are you becoming the kind of guy a godly woman would want?”

I think we often tend to think about what we want in a future spouse, rather than also becoming the spouse that our future spouse will need, and simply put, becoming the person that God is calling us to be as His children. Aside from being a good, loving, godly spouse, we should also be striving to be a godly, loving son or daughter in Christ, period, and continue growing in Christ.

Relationship With God

It’s not necessarily written anywhere in scripture point blank, that I know of, but I strongly believe that one should be in a certain place in their relationship with God. Not some kind of high level or pinnacle, but in the place where your desire is to please Him, obey Him, and seek after Him. That place where you are sensitive to His Spirit and desire to follow hard after Him, living every area of your life to please Him.

There will always be room to grow and get closer to God, and deepen your walk with Him, but if the desire and drive is there to seek after Him and keep growing, you’re on the right path, and I think it’s an exciting thing to be able to grow alongside your spouse. Whether marriage is for an individual or not, we want to always be growing and becoming more like Christ. 

I believe we need to remember that our relationship with God and our walk with Him is the most important thing, above anything and anyone else, even in the midst of being in a relationship with someone heading towards marriage, and definitely after! 

My prayer is that when I do start a relationship I won’t be so caught up that I allow that person to be my priority and have first place over God, but that even before it happens I’m so solid in my relationship with God that He would remain my priority and that God would help me balance and juggle my relationship with the Father, other things in life like work, etc., and the time needed to invest in a romantic relationship. 

I want it to be so evident that God is indeed my first love and that I will follow Him no matter what! 

Insecurities 

Insecurities. Those things we wish we didn’t have, right? 

I just want to address this in the context of getting married. 

For me, I most definitely have some insecurities. Let me just be real for a moment - I sometimes feel like I’m never going to be fully ready for marriage because I feel like I need to check off this mental list of things I should know how to do, or things I should fully understand.

For several years, I’ve often felt behind in life - academically, and just in general with most things. Is it true? Maybe, but the point is that I should be okay with where I am in life. Definitely pursue growth and constantly learn, but I shouldn’t compare myself to someone else who’s my age and that I feel surpassed me in life skills or academics.

With feeling like I was behind in life, I have almost felt like I’m not worthy to marry an amazing, godly man. Because of this insecurity and that insecurity. But ladies and gentlemen, what does it for me, is reminding myself of who I am in Christ, and my worth that’s only found in Him. We don’t have to constantly struggle with insecurities day in and day out. Know who you are, whose you are, and walk in that.

I will say that being vulnerable with another human being in the confines of marriage has scared me a little (though I’ve grown a lot, so not as much anymore), but I think it’ll be a beautiful thing to be honest and open, especially with someone who loves God more than he loves me. It's both scary and exciting!

Insecurities are a real thing, but so is God.

Proper Focus

As you might already be able to tell, I desire to some day get married. To a man that loves Jesus and is pursuing Him relentlessly. To a man who knows who he is, knows the importance of being a real father, and shares God’s love with others. A man who has eternity in mind and understands what it’s like to experience God’s presence. 

In the past, this desire became too important to me, and without going into details, I basically put it before God. I didn’t even realize until God showed me. For the last several years, my focus has shifted to serving God and becoming the woman He has called me to be.

The desire for marriage is awesome. God is the one that ordained it. It was His idea, and He places the desire for it in us, but it certainly isn’t the end goal. We often see the message in movies, or hear it said around us, that marriage will fix things, that it will somehow complete us, or that it’s the main goal in life - to be in love and raise a family. Sure, that’s all great and dandy, but as children of God our focus is to be on Him and furthering His kingdom while we still have time. 

In God’s timing you and I will marry, and God’s timing is always the best. He knows how much more we, and our future spouses, need to grow and learn before becoming one flesh. We just have to trust His timing, and seek to focus on and serve Him with all our hearts. 

Also, I think it’s important to understand what marriage is for.

What’s The Purpose Anyway?

The purpose of marriage is to glorify God. That’s the main goal and purpose, and also to be fruitful and multiply (to procreate and bring children into the world).

God can use a married couple in ways that He may not be able to use single individuals, (and vice versa). Marriage begets children, and that gives the opportunity to be able to teach them Jesus and train them in the way of the Lord. 

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not about us - what we want, what we can get or even give. It’s all about Jesus. Yes, we have needs and desires, and we will enjoy ourselves and have fun in marriage, but God can also grow us as a result of being married. It’s a picture of God’s love for His Bride, the church. Isn’t that one of the coolest things ever? The parallel is mind-blowing to me.

Marriage Parallels 

I think the parallels between Christ and His Bride are simply amazing.

The love exemplified between a husband and wife is a picture, a glimpse of how much Christ loves His Bride, the Church.

Picture this, being married to someone who loves you so much and you just can't imagine how they can love you so much. You ask yourself how you're even worthy to be married to such a loving, attractive and godly man or woman. 

Just think, God loves us way more than that. He literally thought we were worth dying for. His love is so wide and vast. It's completely beyond our human understanding.

In marriage, there must be vulnerability, honesty, loyalty and we want to give our whole selves and hearts to our spouses. 

In the same way, God wants us to be vulnerable, honest and loyal to Him. He wants us to spend time with Him and grow closer in our relationship with Him, just how a husband and wife should spend time together and grow closer together. 

Intimacy with one's spouse is certainly important in marriage, but intimacy with God is way more important. 

God Prepares Us

God's word is filled with so much and covers so many topics, including marriage. 

He teaches us how to be husbands and wives. He teaches us what real love is. He teaches us how we are to love our spouses. 

Here are a few passages of scripture that speak of love and marriage: 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." ~ Genesis 2:24

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" ~ Ephesians 5:21-29

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I could start digging into these verses but that would take a lot more time and words so I’ll stop. 

God’s Word is filled with lessons and insights on marriage, we just have to open up His Word and ask Him to teach us! He is the one that created it and He is also the one that can and should be the one to teach us, prepare us, and He’s the one we must rely on! 

Dear Heavenly Father, teach us to be godly spouses for your glory, Amen! 

In Christ's Love,

Gabrielle